I want to know if i really suffer from any anxiety related disorders or ami i overthinking about it. Do I have to go visit a doctor?

by tingletog
(AlKhor)

I am a masters student in special ed. and I am also doing an online bachelors on religion. I also work as a part-time English speaking instructor in university.

Background of my problem - My father emotionally abuses me and my younger sisters almost every day with money-related issues. It has been like that for the past 8 years - when he started his illegal affair where he spends all his income. Despite being a rich businessman we rarely have sufficient food, clothing etc. We live in a broken small house with no contact with any neighbors, friends or relatives. Mom never left dad because she has no money, skills or proper health to help me and my three sisters to study or feed us. However, despite all this struggle, i finally managed to get my own job and study masters after sitting at home for 2 years after my bachelors.

Problem - When I was at home for two years, my dad would scream at me every day about his money problems and how unlucky he is to have married mom and how mom never helped him financially. I started getting scared of his screamings so I slowly started to keep myself busy in something like reading a book etc when he enters home. However, he still didn't stop and fear kept increasing, so I would keep praying the whole day he doesn't come home and even if he comes he doesn't scream at me. Out of fear, I started hiding under my blanket curled up in one corner of the room where he couldn't see me. I hid every time he came home and kept praying and crying that he doesn't scream at me. This continued for 2 years until I got into my masters. This fear grew up into more bigger fears like I start getting scared and tearful the minute someone gets angry at me or ignores me, or if anyone is fighting in the nearby area or if anyone speaks loudly near me. I have lost most of my confidence. Sometimes because of dad, even now i hide under my blanket and have severe headaches and I burst out crying in fear. I cannot focus on my studies and I get loose motions and vomiting. I also feel scared of men a lot. I fear they will rape me. This fear started after I noticed my dad looking at my breasts, butt, bra and my legs. I started covering up myself extra but i always feel conscious and fearful thinking any man might be looking at my body parts right now and anybody might rape me. My mom wants me to get married but I cant make her believe how much I am scared of living with a stranger. I do have a boyfriend, but its a long distance relationship and we never had any kinship except I know him since i was a little child. I feel comfortable just talking to him since we have nothing more than that but I dont think I am still comfortable thinking about marrying and living with him excluding the fact that my mom does not want me to marry him.

Comments for I want to know if i really suffer from any anxiety related disorders or ami i overthinking about it. Do I have to go visit a doctor?

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by: Judy

What a horrible situation you are in. It is no wonder you feel anxious and I congratulate you on having got so far with your studies and work despite your difficult circumstances.

There is no easy solution, as your anxiety is understandably based on your circumstances, so it's a bit like telling someone who is in a room with a tiger to just relax. Of course you feel scared of your father, and it's natural for you to start to generalise that fear to other men, even though you are aware that not every man is not going to be like that too. I understand also that it is probably not easy for you to move out or let alone move to another town.

I have no doubt you are experiencing anxiety and you are definitely not overthinking it!! Is there anyone at your workplace that you can talk to? A counsellor perhaps? It may help to at least have someone to confide in. Is there a female doctor you can see?

Beyond getting some outside support I can only recommend that you do what you can (use some of the tips from this website) to try to keep your nervous system as settled as possible, so that you are more able to deal with your difficult circumstances and mentally protect yourself from your father.

I wish you all the very best and hope very much that things will change for the better soon.

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