Causes of anxiety attacks - reader's trigger was death of father and a 7 hour brain tumour op....
... Then my best friend left. I didn't know what was happening to me which led to me being in hospital. I was living with a deep down feeling of fear, like flight mode, it just grew and grew into a panic attack that I couldn't resolve. Mind you, I had no idea at the time what was happening and thought I was going to die.
I have had to survive for most of my life on my own - through my teenage years, through having a family, through abuse and numerous other things that I thought of as being challenges in life and thought I was getting through them, feeling self confident and strong.
Now I hit my menopausal years and felt all that slipping away. Where did I go?. On the top of that I was diagnosed with a frontal lobe tumour and before I could take it in I was going through a 7 hour op. I was told because of the position that it would take 3 ops but when I came out of it they said to me that they took it all as I would have only lived another month and I would have died. Even this didn't deter me. I set about rehabbing myself. Nothing was going to stop me from walking straight and driving. I wanted my independence back, as my support system let me down and I was now on my own. Then WHAM!!!
A feeling of wanting to run away from myself - a fear I have never experienced before. I just couldn't bring myself out of it, usually I can convince myself out of or into anything and not having that control scared the Heck out of me and still does. Flight mode I guess it is called and all the time before this I was in survival mode and most of my life has been survival and fight modes.
This flight mode is the most debilitating. It is always there this feeling. I have been able to cope but there are times that it takes over so I tend to start to panic which in turn scares me. I then try every thing to distract myself but then I end up taking a calmative to help me if all else fails.
I was always a half glass full person and still feel this is in me but this anxiety/ panic side can have a life all its own. It won't win I will come through it, I just don't know when.